Couric Crap

My disdain strains the leash. American asshattery is boundless and ubiquitous, but we've out done ourselves this time. This is the drunk evening in pop culture, and we will awaken in the morning astonishingly embarrassed, if we've managed to retain anything resembling dignity.

Apparently, Katie Couric is switching jobs. I wouldn't know where to begin giving a fuck. People switch jobs everyday for a variety of reasons. Some valid, others utter bullshit. All completely irrelevant. What do I care if you're switching jobs? How the fuck is that news? Yet there it is.

I click one channel after the next. ABC, "Today is Katie Couric's last day." I could have sworn The Today Show was on NBC. Whatever. CBS, "We bid Katie good-bye today...." I glance at the remote, disbelief growing. Local Fox Station, "Oh, and it's Katie's last day on The Today Show." Suffocating, cloying sentiment on one channel after the next. My cat leaves the room. I turn to ESPN. Mike and Mike In The Morning won't let me down. As a rule, they don't talk about much outside of sports. Just two guys gabbing away about the latest pseudo sports news.

I toss the remote on the bed and head to the kitchen. From the smell of the things, the coffee has finished brewing. I rummage through the cabinets looking for my coffee mug. I hear the shower shut off. I steel myself against the imminent avalanche of well wishes. Samantha likes to watch The Today Show in the mornings.

The squeak of the bathroom door announces the end of Sam's morning grooming ritual. I pour a cup of coffee. The patter of her feet on the kitchen tile somewhere behind me. She hugs.

"Morning," she says.

"Morning." I turn and she's on her way to the bedroom, and the remote. I listen. Take a sip of coffee. Waiting. Soon Matt Lauer is prattling on about how much he's going to miss Katie. I walk into the bedroom. Sam is standing there with a hand on one hip, the remote in the other, head cocked. They are running a series of Katie clips from over the years. Sam's face is one part amusement, one part incredulity with a splash of disgust for color.

"Are they still talking about this middle-aged teenager switching jobs," she laughs.

"Yep." Another sip of coffee and I sit on the side of the bed.

She laughs and turns off the TV.

Women are so much smarter than men.