Unjustifiable narcissism. That's the only way to describe my mood this morning. After an oddly entertaining and relaxing weekend, one in which I entirely set aside my bar studies, I returned to reality this morning and realized that there's roughly 8 weeks before I sit for this thing again. For whatever reason, I'm unconcerned. Asininely arrogant might be a better description.
Thomas Edison said, " I have never failed anything. I have simply found ways that things don't work." Okay, well, I have found out that cramming for the bar the last 2-3 weeks just doesn't work. I need to find my anxiety. I need to find my sense of urgency. Where the hell is my fucking concern? I had it a minute ago.
Hmmm. If I don't pass this time, I'll be taking it again in February. I'll be paying $500 to take it again. I'll get reacquainted with that sickened feeling when checking the list of candidates that passed, and not finding my name. I'll suffer the "sorry to hear about the bar results" conversation for another three months.
Suddenly, I've found my anxiety. I've found my fucking concern. I found my sense of urgency. Most importantly, I've lost my comforting arrogance.
Time to put in 40-hour work weeks for the next seven weeks. Time to handle my business, and not let my business handle me.
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