I Almost Forgot

I felt like I went to Starbucks. Know what I mean? I wanted coffee, got coffee and it tasted like coffee. But there was nothing spectacular about the coffee, and I paid way too much. Derailed, starring Jennifer Anniston and Clive Owen, left me feeling the same way. I wanted a movie, got a movie, but there was nothing spectacular about it. In fact, the story was Fatal Attraction with a twist. Kinda like Cajun meatloaf. Only difference is that I went to Blockbuster, so I didn't overpay for the meatloaf. I just bought a cliche at a cliche.

Anyway, I realized that I haven't updated my measurements for this deprivation-free fat loss quest. This past weekend, my waist measured 33 inches. I weighed 210.5 and my bodyfat checked in at 7.1. So the weight loss is slow, but I seem to be steadily losing fat, and there ain't nothing wrong with that. Actually, I don't expect to lose a great deal of weight. In fact, if everything goes well, I won't get under 205 pounds. I am using Charles Staley's Escalating Density Program to put on some muscle and lean out. So far, it is delivering the goods. A couple of people in the gym have mentioned that I look bigger and leaner. Plus, wifey says I look bigger. So I feel good about my progress to date. Leaner, but bigger. I am hopeful that the deprivation-free approach to fat loss works out. There is nothing more satisfying than calling bullshit in the presence of convetional wisdom.

Yay Area Joints

Clowns. Straight bozos. Fo sheedo, playboy. I hadn't bought a CD since Nifty dropped TheMassacre. I just wasn't feeling hip-hip. Truly tired of hearing about the Phantom. The R&B bitches. The drive by's. Etc. Etc. Etc. Damn. Remember when faulty MC's couldn't post and make mail in the hip-hop game. Now, most of it is garbage. You don't think so? Rememeber when Tupac made you feel something? Remember when Biggie made you burn something? Now are you feeling me?!

Well something happened to me the other day coming home from the gym. Isn't that the way it works? Just when you are not expecting it, your whole perspective gets tampered with. Anyway, let me chronicle it for ya. Like I said before, in my opinion, hip-hop was beyond slipping--it fell and busted its ass. But I was in my rolla bumping the Sirius Radio joint. Station 40 to be Xact. Nevermind that. E-40 wanted me to tell him when to go. What? I need another spoonful of that jumper. Tell me when to go, tell me when to go!!

Uh, oh. Hip-hop's bluebird period might be just be over. Hyphy. New movement coming out of the Bay Area. Like whaaaaaaat?! The DJ was coming out of his skin--straight bonkers. Then cudie starts playing other Yay Area artists. Yep, found my love for hip-hop. Nice and neat.

No swiffin' about your pitbull looking ass putting up Wilt Chamberlain numbers in the gush-gush department. I knew that was bullshit from the door, anyway. No frontin' about your rented rolla. Wasn't feeling that piece anyway. E-40 gave me a party joint that was real notch, and missed me with the blase, blase. Respected it, and it was the set point. You need to go get it, clown.

No. seriously, it murphed the plastic, faxin "rappers" from the door. Started strong and got its grown ass man on from there. That's correct--20 tracks of grown man. Straight slumper tracks. So, playboy, if you are tired, like I am tired of the swiffin, go E-40's new joint. It's slumpin' clowns. Fo sheezel.

A History of Whatever

"The best movie of the year." I can't help but wonder what year she was speaking of. Seriously, whatever year it is, it's a jacked up year for movies. But that is the quote that was prominently splashed on the DVD cover at Blockbuster. A History of Violence. An unabashed chunk of tripe. Honestly, a colossal disappointment. The premise showed promise, although reminiscent of a Long Kiss Good Night. In short, the main character, played Viggo Mortensen, appears to be a midwestern small town family man. A Philly heavy, Ed Harris, shows up and recognizes him as someone who has a penchant for killing people in the old neighborhood. Harris continues on to provoke and prod Tom Stall (Mortensen) into admitting that he is Crazy Joey. There you have it.

Now this could have been so much better, but the movie just fell flat. The most interesting thing about it is when Stall's wife, played by Maria Bello, dresses up in her cheerleader outfit from high school and the two contort themselves into a painfully awkward 69. Anyway, from there the movie proceeds at a tectonic pace and ultimately resembles unleavened bread. In short, I wouldn't bother with this movie.

First Day of Spring

Rolled over and kicked the alarm clock's ass this morning. Four in the morning and that alarm clock got it, dawg. I mean, you just can't wake a man up all early and think nothing is going to happen to you.

Absently throwing the covers off and rolling out of bed, I start thinking about the impending workout. Thirty minutes of cardio and a little chest work. Should be in and out after an hour. Nothing to it. It's the beginning of the fourth week and I am starting to find my rhythm--gaining some momentum. And then I got that feeling. Damn. "We should get an accumulation of 6"-12" of snow in the Denver metro area," the broadcaster's canned voice rushed back. Fuck. I look out of the bedroom window and see a maelstrom of snow. Blowing, falling, and swirling snow. Staring out the window, my mind races forward to getting my sweats on, throwing on some boots, scrapping the snow off my car, and risking an accident. Not to mention that, in these conditions, this whole process will take longer than the workout. Subsequently, I suffered acute onset of anal glaucoma. I couldn't see my ass doing it.

Saturday, Saturday!

Garbage. With only a few seconds left in the game the University of Illinois shoots their first free throws of the game. THE GAME! How does that happen? Something smells here. No, I am not a Illinois fan. But you don't have to be to know that is bullshit.

Anyways, I took my measurements this morning. 211 pounds; 7.8 percent body fat, and a waist measurement of 33.5. In case it matters, I am 6'2". I realized that I hadn't mentioned my height. Thought I would throw it in there. By the way, I am not sure about the bodyfat. I am using an Accumeasure fat caliper. My technique could be lacking. 7.8 seems a bit leaner than what I would guess myself.

So, I went to the gym Saturday morning and did an hour on the treadmill, burning 838 calories.

I only ate a couple of times today, which isn't good. The meals were good though. I had some pizza for brunch and, then, for dinner, I had linguine with white clam sauce. A plate of bliss, indeed. Well, that's the short and sweet. Time to watch more of the games.

Quick

As we all know, the March ritual has commenced. And, like most, I spend most of the day glued to the television, Internet and cell phone. Ya know, the NCAA tourney is not the time to find out the Big Ten is vastly overrated and the Missouri Valley Conference actually has a basketball player or two. Oh well, live and learn.

Anyway, while I was hurling one expletive after the another at Michigan State's anemic performance I realized that I failed to post anything yesterday or today. I know everyone is waiting with bated breath. Joke.

So here is how it went down yesterday. I ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill, burning 500 calories. Yippeee. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed the pain. But the pain was alleviated with some decent meals.

Meal 1: One bowl of Total with vanilla yogurt, a scoop of banana protein and an apple.

Meal 2: A turkey sandwich and a banana

Meal 3: Two cups of milk, two scoops of protein powder, and a banana.

Meal 4: Half a rotisserie chicken (yes, with the skin *gasp*), and a salad.

Oh and I had several beers. It's March Madness, baby!!

Oh well, since I am here, I should give the run down on today. Michigan State is killing me!!!! Oh sorry. Um, oh yeah.

I ran another 30 minutes on the treadmill burning 540 calories. Then, because it seemed like the thing to do, I did some tricep and bicep work. I did cable extensions for triceps and dumbbell curls for biceps. The I did close grip bench presses and hammer curls. Oh, what fun.

Meal 1: Three eggs, a green bell pepper, two cloves of garlic and a splash of milk; four slices of turkey bacon and a slice of whole wheat bread.

Meal 2: Two pieces of chicken, from the rotisserie chicken I got last night, and a small container of yogurt.

Meal 3: Three filets of talapia and a large salad.

Again, several beers. So that is all I have for today. Tomorrow is measure and weigh day, so we will see how I do. Until then....

Let's Try This Again

I would hate to develop a reputation as someone who has a remarkable penchant for stating the obvious, but I haven't posted on this blog in a while. What can I say? I set it up to chronicle my workout regimen and then I contracted an acute case of Lazybastarditis. Yep, that was me: lazybastard.com. Studying for admission to the Colorado Bar Association, eating whatever is handy, and, to top it all off, I lost the directions to the gym (not really, just didn't go). In short, fat and happy. Well, fatter. But hell yeah I was happy! Except for that studying garbage. I thought I was going to go out of my mind. Worse, it's possible I could be doing that garbage again. Oh well, it could be worse. I could find myself being held hostage on a bus that, if its speed falls below 55 MPH, it would blow up. Oh, sorry. That was a bad mid-90's movie flashback.

Anyway, what I discovered while recovering from lazybastarditis is that I loathe the deprivation that accompanies shedding a few pounds of, er, "energy." Seriously, folks. Open any "fitness" magazine and you will see a meal plan that resembles the Survivor diet. Pass. Egg whites and salad with no dressing. I think that qualifies as Draconian.

I decided that I would not, under any circumstances, starve myself. Nope. Low-carb? Do you know your brain functions solely on glucose, which is the sugar that is rendered from carbs? So you can have all of the low-carb thing you want, too. I have no interest. Instead, the past two weeks I have worked out and just eaten a balanced diet.

Now, let's be clear here. By "workout" I mean that I perform some cardio (30-60 minutes) six days a week and I lift three days a week. There's no John Edwards crap here. Eat right, do some card and lift and let's see what pans out.

So far, after two weeks, here is what I have:

I began my little experiment at a weight of 214 pounds. A waist measurement of 35.5. My body fat percentage, according to Accu-Measure, was 11.5

Now, after two weeks, I am at a weight of 212. A waist of 34 and my body fat percentage reads 9.7. Not bad; I'll take it.

I am not going to go into what I have been eating the last two weeks, and this is the middle of the third week, but, going forward I will let you know what I am eating. But, to summarize, I just stay away from the Usual Culprits. You know, burgers and fries, pizza, etc. Oh, and I usually have some drinks. No over indulgence, but no deprivation, dammit. So, this little experiment started around the beginning of March and we will see what progress I make through the end of the month. It should be interesting to see what happens.

One last thing, I am not going to make this just a place where I talk about my working out/eating habits. I'll talk about whatever here, but I will chronicle my exploration into the premise "you have to starve yourself to lose fat." I'm calling bullshit, but we will see. I need to get some pics taken, too. I'll work on that.

Anyway, that is all I have today. See ya tomorrow.