They're insidious, really. Imperceptibly ingratiating themselves into the vernacular. Euphemisms I'm talking about. Innocuous words we use in substitute for a word that may suggest something unpleasant. Political Correctness Gone Wild.
Sam and I were standing at the meat counter, engaged in the usual banter about dinner choices, and settled on chicken breasts. The deciding factor was the cat puke yellow sign that read, "Chicken Breasts $1.89 per pound." Sold. Except there was one more hurdle to clear before I could go home and stuff my face. They were fresh out of chicken breasts.
"That sucks," Sam says. Eyeing the more expensive chicken breasts.
"Hold on. I'll ask the butcher, or whatever he is, if they have some more in the back." I turned and started in the direction of the butcher's counter, but he was headed in my direction, depositing roasts that would satiate the most ravenous mountain lion along the way. He gave me a nod.
"We were wondering if you have anymore of these chicken breasts in the back," I asked.
"No, we're out, " he offered. And then, as if he were telling me it was 6 o' clock, "With the incident and all, we haven't gotten a shipment. But what I can do is give you a couple of packages of these others for that price, " as he gestured to the sale sign, "Just don't clean me out."
"That works," Sam says. I nod in agreement and off he goes.
I mulled that exchange over a bit. I chuckled a bit, which drew an inquisitive glance from Sam.
"What're you laughing about," she asked. I noticed that the butcher was heading back with our package of chicken. I shook my head "nothing" and we let it go.
Last Sunday an employee of a Safeway distribution warehouse went to work, stormed through the halls shooting his co-workers and randomly setting fires. The police arrived on the scene only to have one of their own also shot by the disgruntled employee. My butcher friend just referred to this surreal scene of mayhem as an "incident."
An incident is when your kid shits his pants, or maybe pisses the bed. This squirrel leapt straight out of his tree, shot numerous co-workers, tried to burn the entire fucking building to the ground and then, since he was tripping anyway, he shot a fucking cop. This fucktard shattered lives. He killed people. He maimed people. He jumped in the express lane to either the sodomy shack or the silly shack. Where he would be today, except he shot a cop. And you know how that book ends. In a church somewhere. Incident? Spare me the euphemism. This was a horrific, terrible thing that happened and we should not dilute the impact it's going to have on families with impotent euphemisms like "incident." Seriously, fuck off with that.
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